6.09.2011

stop buying apple computers (how to buy a laptop)

You fucking morons. You know who you are, sitting there reading my glorious blog on your fucking Mac.

Shut the "computer" off immediately, and sell that shit on craigslist quick! You can still recoup most of the cost of that furry piece of dog shit.

6.05.2011

i helped destroy the world economy

I was 20 years old and I needed a fucking job.

Very confident in my ability to sell anything--even something I didn't understand--I applied for a job as a Loan Officer with a company called Castle Point Mortgage. I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

This is the story of how I helped to severely damage the world economy.

6.01.2011

how to survive in jail

About 5 years ago I went to jail.  Not Prison, just jail. What is the difference? Jail is where you go before being sentenced. Prison is where you go after you've been sentenced. Prison is much tougher than jail. But to survive in prison, you need to learn how to survive in jail first.

You should keep in mind that I am a tall, young, skinny, white male. I was 22 when I went to jail, but I probably looked like I was 16. By all means, I should have been made someone's bitch within the first few hours. But, with some street smarts, a bit of acting, and some common sense, I made it out of jail with a tight butt-hole, and I even made some "friends." Keep reading to find out how to survive in jail...

5.29.2011

fucked up stories from my childhood: racism in school.

When I was in 7th grade, our class was split up into two separate groups; 7a, and 7b. We were an ethnically diverse group, but were predominantly white. Everyone in my grade--every grade--spoke English, and we all got along just fine. At least that's how most people remember my school. But I've never heard anyone mention the other kids in our school. The ones who were taught just down the hall from us. The ones who ate lunch separately from us.

pssst. christianity is a myth.

I grew up Catholic. I was baptised, indoctrinated, and confirmed. I was told to pray every night to a God who loved me, and I went to church every Sunday to eat the "body" of a dead man. I decorated the nativity scene during Christmas, and I even put ashes on my fucking head for Ash Wednesday. The whole time--even as a toddler--I knew that it was all a huge crock of shit.

5.26.2011

christopher columbus was a fucking terrorist

When I was a kid, my fat ass 4th grade teacher explained why we don’t come to school on Columbus Day. That fat whore. Her name was Ms. Guy. Seriously. Ms.-fucking-Guy. She was the size of a large refrigerator, with a dyke-bowl haircut, and a big fat mustache. She told us what a fucking hero Christopher Columbus was and how, through pure intentions and determination, Columbus convinced the throne to sanction his voyage to the West Indies. “We all owe Christopher Columbus a debt of gratitude,” is probably what the fat cow told us all. She forgot to mention was a dirty cocksucker Columbus was…

assholes from quebec

I like Canada. What stinky liberal doesn't? But what I saw recently on the Daily Show has left me absolutely fucking shocked.

Seems there are some assholes in Quebec that are still using fucking asbestos in their buildings. Asbestos; otherwise known as "cancer dust," or "satan's cocaine." Why are they still using this shit? Because it's soooo fucking cheap! Oh, and the fucking town is called "Asbestos." Fuck me running.

Take a watch: