stop buying apple computers (how to buy a laptop)

You fucking morons. You know who you are, sitting there reading my glorious blog on your fucking Mac.

Shut the "computer" off immediately, and sell that shit on craigslist quick! You can still recoup most of the cost of that furry piece of dog shit.

i helped destroy the world economy

I was 20 years old and I needed a fucking job.

Very confident in my ability to sell anything--even something I didn't understand--I applied for a job as a Loan Officer with a company called Castle Point Mortgage. I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

This is the story of how I helped to severely damage the world economy.

fucked up stories from my childhood: racism in school.

When I was in 7th grade, our class was split up into two separate groups; 7a, and 7b. We were an ethnically diverse group, but were predominantly white. Everyone in my grade--every grade--spoke English, and we all got along just fine. At least that's how most people remember my school. But I've never heard anyone mention the other kids in our school. The ones who were taught just down the hall from us. The ones who ate lunch separately from us.

pssst. christianity is a myth.

I grew up Catholic. I was baptised, indoctrinated, and confirmed. I was told to pray every night to a God who loved me, and I went to church every Sunday to eat the "body" of a dead man. I decorated the nativity scene during Christmas, and I even put ashes on my fucking head for Ash Wednesday. The whole time--even as a toddler--I knew that it was all a huge crock of shit.

christopher columbus was a fucking terrorist

When I was a kid, my fat ass 4^th grade teacher explained why we don’t come to school on Columbus Day. That fat whore. Her name was Ms. Guy. Seriously. Ms.-fucking-Guy. She was the size of a large refrigerator, with a dyke-bowl haircut, and a big fat mustache. She told us what a fucking hero Christopher Columbus was and how, through pure intentions and determination, Columbus convinced the throne to sanction his voyage to the West Indies. “We all owe Christopher Columbus a debt of gratitude,” is probably what the fat cow told us all. She forgot to mention was a dirty cocksucker Columbus was…

assholes from quebec

I like Canada. What stinky liberal doesn't? But what I saw recently on the Daily Show has left me absolutely fucking shocked.

Seems there are some assholes in Quebec that are still using fucking asbestos in their buildings. Asbestos; otherwise known as "cancer dust," or "satan's cocaine." Why are they still using this shit? Because it's soooo fucking cheap! Oh, and the fucking town is called "Asbestos." Fuck me running.

Take a watch:

david the gay witch

I work for a non-profit call center. We call people and beg for money to cure fat kids or some stupid shit. Since it's a non-profit call center, everyone who works there is a complete fucking imbecile. I spend most of my day trying to contain my contempt for every living soul in the building. But one person in particular has truly inspired murderous rage in my heart. I call him David the Gay Witch.